Sunday, July 18, 2010

changing dreams

Yesterday I spoke aloud what I've been thinking inside for the past four weeks.

"I don't want to go to Milan this Spring.
I don't want to study abroad anymore.
I want to be here, living life and experiencing things with my friends and family."

Ever since I went to Rome, Italy my sophomore year of high school, I have dreamed and told everyone my dreams of going to the Bocconi business school in Milan, Italy. For five years this has been my ultimate dream. But now that the application deadline is approaching, I have found myself procrastinating on what should be a simple task. Every night for the past month I've been thinking about what it would be like to be abroad. Don't get me wrong, it would be incredible to build a life all on my own in a beautiful city, but I don't know if it would be worth all that I would lose.

I would miss birthdays, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, spring break, Coachella, even ASU's undie run (haha). More importantly, I would miss the little things: Movie nights, comforting friends through break-ups, giving advice not through a computer screen, seeing friends fall in like (or love), grocery shopping, blasting party music while getting ready with my best friends, meeting my parents for dinner, going to the movies, making spontaneous trips to other parts of Arizona or California, having morning pow-wows with Kelcy and Paige, working, making money, meeting people, the sunsets, driving my car, the blue skies, my room, Chipotle, and so much more.

I've been lucky enough to go abroad. I've seen the world. In high school, I had no idea who I was going to become or what I would want. I've held onto this dream for so long, and now I'm ready to let it go. I'm a different person than I was. I want to spend the best four years of my life with my family and the friends that have made me who I am today, and who I have grown to love. I will go to Milan. I will live abroad at some point in my life. But right now, I need to be here. Here in America with my family, my best friends, my peers, and the strangers that will soon become my family. I feel relieved and more appreciative of where I am than ever before.


kelcy said...

i love this brookie. dreams can totally change, and I think that you’ll be glad that you are staying in the united states :) love you!

Gabi said...

At first I was devastated reading this...but then I saw you said you would still live there at some point in your life, and I will hold you to that!!! We should go see that new Julia Roberts movie together. Looks hella bomb. It might make you want to study abroad again though ;).